Have you ever thought about becoming a USNA Sponsor Parent and what it is like once you become one? I am here to share our experience and answer all your questions!
If you have been following us for a while, then you may know that we are part of the Sponsor Parent program at the United States Naval Academy (USNA). We joined the program back in 2018, and it has been one of the best and most rewarding decisions we have ever made!
Since sharing our story on Instagram, we have received tons of questions asking for further details about the sponsorship program. So, since we are an open book around here, Don and I thought it would be a good idea to answer the most frequently asked questions we receive all in one place!
BASIC QUESTIONS:
First, let’s start with some basic questions that we receive about being a USNA sponsor parent!
What is the Sponsor Program at USNA?
For the official definition of the program, here is a description of it from the USNA website:
The USNA Sponsor Program offers members of the Annapolis community an opportunity to meet Midshipmen and to learn more about the Naval Academy. It also provides Midshipmen an opportunity to develop and benefit from informal exchanges with civilian and military members in Annapolis and its adjacent communities.
Our personal answer is that the Sponsor Program gives Mids a “home away from home” as they adjust to the rigors of the Naval Academy. This is because Plebes (Freshmen) do not have a lot of freedom. So, being matched with local families gives these young people a place to relax and unwind. Coming to a sponsor’s home on the weekends to take a nap, watch TV, study, or get a home-cooked meal lets them take a breath and get the most from their academy experience.
How do you become a USNA sponsor parent?
Again, to best explain the process, here is the answer from the USNA website:
In order to become a Sponsor you must fill out the online Sponsor Application and submit it to the Sponsor Office. This allows the office ample time to process the application and match Sponsors with the best possible plebe based on similar interests. The application opens every year on 1 January and closes 15 July.
The application can be filled out online, and it will ask you for information like the following:
- Personal Information: First Name, Last Name, Marital Status, etc.
- Contact Information: Home Address, Zip Code, Email Address, etc.
- Military Status: Active Duty, in the Reserves, or Retired from the U. S. Armed Forces.
- Household and General Midshipman Preferences: In this section, you get the chance to answer questions that help the program match you with the right Midshipman. For example, sports, outdoor activities, crafts/hobbies, music, etc.
Is there sponsor training or training sessions?
A mandatory orientation briefing/training is required as part of the program, with additional training mandated every five years, but it isn’t great. It just checks a box. There is a Sponsor Parent Facebook Group (that is not monitored/run by USNA) where Sponsors share ideas and advice, and we’ve even started a 2-3x per year happy hour to get together in person!
OUR SPONSOR PARENT EXPERIENCE: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND WHY WE DO IT
The actual USNA Sponsor Parent program itself is amazing, but the official program/information that comes from USNA is just surface-level and doesn’t address many of the questions people have when they are thinking about applying. So let’s get real about why someone should sponsor, why you shouldn’t, the time commitment, and more!
How long have you been sponsoring? How many total mids?
We started sponsoring the Summer after we moved here in 2018. We currently have eight Mids (seven original and one “bonus”). We’ve got three who just commissioned a few weeks ago (and are living with us until they leave for their first duty station), two Firsties (Seniors), and three Youngsters (Sophomores). We’ve had 12 official sponsor kids and half a dozen bonus kids (friends/roommates/teammates who didn’t have great sponsor parents, so we took them in). During COVID, we had two Mids who lived with us for almost 17 months! ANNNDDDDDDD…we will be adding four Plebes (Freshmen) to the family this Fall!
Why should someone sponsor?
There are so many reasons!
If you are a non-military family, sponsoring is a great way to get a glimpse into what military life is like and simultaneously say thank you to these young men and women who are entering a life of service.
For those of you who have young children, a sponsor Mid could be a wonderful role model and give your children memories and friendships that can last a lifetime.
If you are empty nesters who have already raised young adults, you can provide a wealth of experience and trust us when we say these Mids will keep you young!
As a military (Army) family of over 20 years, we understand the journey these kids are embarking on and hope we’ve been a sounding board for our Mids as they navigate everything a military life brings with it. We also know what it’s like to be away from family and in a new place, and it was important to us to give back to the military community.
And finally, I believe it is important to (as Jose Andres says) “build longer tables”. Being a sponsor parent gives you the opportunity to welcome young people into your home who may be from a different part of the country, a different background, family experience, religion, ethnicity, etc. What a wonderful chance to expand your horizons and build your community.
Any reasons someone shouldn’t sponsor?
The sponsor program is not for you if you are looking for an “in” or special perks from the Academy. USNA doesn’t offer any tangible benefits for being a Sponsor parent, except the occasional discount on a football game ticket or the Mid Store. Civilian sponsors DO get driving/parking privileges on the yard; unfortunately, we’ve heard more than one account of people signing up to be sponsors for that perk and then never actually seeing their Mids. Signing up to get Sponsor Parents is voluntary, so these Mids WANT to participate, and we’ve seen the disappointment firsthand when Sponsor Parents flake out.
You also shouldn’t sponsor if your weekend is filled with kids’ sports/errands and you are not comfortable having Mids in your home when you aren’t there. The Plebes (Freshmen) tend to be EXHAUSTED at the end of every week, and they just want a place to sleep/eat/do laundry. If they have to spend their only free time watching your child’s soccer game every Saturday, chances are they will not return. We have let our Plebes be alone in our home from day one and have never had any issues. They are grateful for the peace and quiet!
What is the time commitment?
As with most things, you get out of this what you put in. Most Plebes only have Saturdays from noon to midnight free, and that is only if there are not any other military obligations they have to attend (like the football games). Don and I both travel for work, but when we are home, we get the Plebes every Saturday they are allowed off campus. For us, that has been the most successful way to create a relationship. Consistency is key – but that doesn’t mean you sit and stare at each other for twelve hours every weekend. Sometimes we drop them at the house and then go out with friends/to run errands; sometimes they are so exhausted we only see them for an hour or two because they are sleeping the rest of the time. But they know they are always welcome at our house.Ā
As the Mids get older, they get more privileges at USNA, so you may see them more often. From Plebes being allowed an occasional weekend (which means they could spend the night at your house) to Firsties having almost every evening and all weekend free, it runs the gamut. How often you see them will also depend on outside factors like boyfriends/girlfriends, if your Mid has a car (which is allowed in Youngster year), and turning 21. We all remember what that is like!
What does the Sponsor Program NOT tell you?
The Sponsor Program does a good job of recruiting. However, once you become a sponsor parent, there is limited support from the Academy. So you have to be willing/able to handle any situations that arise on your own. Thankfully, there is a great Sponsor Parent group on Facebook where people can share their questions and experiences. There are over 700 members, some of whom have been Sponsor Parents for decades, some who have just signed up for the first time. It is a wealth of knowledgeĀ and support, and we are so grateful for it! Note: You MUST have already applied and been approved for the Sponsor Program before you can join the group, it is not for people just thinking about becoming a Sponsor Parent.
The Sponsor Program touches on this lightly, but I’ll shout it from the rooftops. You are not going to hit it off with every Mid who walks through your door, and that’s ok. Whether it is due to scheduling or personality differences or something else, not every kid connects with their sponsor family on a personal level. Just know that 99% of the time, it has nothing to do with you. However, if you’re on your 22nd Plebe and none of them have made it past the first few weeks (true story) – then yes. That has something to do with you.
The Sponsor Program for SURE doesn’t tell you HOW MUCH THESE KIDS CAN EAT! ahahahahahaha!
What does “home away from home” really mean?
That varies from Mid to Mid. Some Mids just need a place to get away from the regimentedness of the Academy, take a nap, eat a home-cooked meal, and do some laundry. For some, it runs much deeper – they need a listening ear, a place where they can take a deep breath, find some mentorship, some may miss having their younger siblings around and will bond with your kids, or they may love animals and just want to sit on the couch petting your dog for comfort. How much they “need” you will also vary. We have a Firstie we see probably 2-3 nights during the week, and then he spends every weekend here. We have a Youngster we’ve only seen three or four times this entire year. Just like home means something different to everyone…so does having a home away from home.
OUR TOP TEN (OK, JUST SEVEN) TIPS:
The number one question we get is “What tips do you have for new sponsor parents”? If you think that being a sponsor parent might be a good fit for you, below I’m sharing all my best tips for how you and your new plebes can have the best experience possible!
Tip 1: Do not get just one Plebe.
If you have room, get at LEAST two. Going to a stranger’s house when you are an 18-year-old fresh out of the Summer from Hell can be overwhelming. Getting at least two Plebes gives them someone to relate to and talk with in their own way. Also, it prevents some initial awkwardness of having all of your attention focused on one Mid.
Tip 2: Don’t tell the Plebes, “just call/text us when you want to come over”.
They won’t do it. They’ll feel like they are bothering you or that they waited too long to ask. YOU have to be proactive. We text the kids every Thursday or Friday. We do this to tell them we are available to pick them up on Saturday if they want to come over. Also, even if we don’t see any of them, it reminds them that we are here if they need us.
Tip 3: Set expectations early.
We have a list of house rules that we go over with our new Mids the first time they come to our house. Most of them aren’t even “rules”, for example, one is “everything in our fridge/freezer/pantry is available to eat unless we’ve specifically said otherwise”. Another is “no phones at the dinner table,” and another is “please fill the dogs’ water bowl if you see it empty”. Nothing crazy, but we’ve found just knowing what is expected/allowed up front helps the Plebes relax and feel at home faster, as they aren’t having to second-guess themselves or ask permission for every little thing.
Tip 4: If you worry about having enough time to sponsor, an athlete might be the answer.
When you fill out the Sponsor application forms, there are certain “requests” – if you feel most comfortable having male Mids, or if a Mid has a pet allergy so can’t be in a house that has dogs, etc. Requesting an athlete is an option, and most varsity athletes at USNA have rigorous training schedules on the weekends, so you wouldn’t see them as often.
Tip 5: These kids will eat A LOT. Like A LOT A LOT.
Find yourself a few recipes that you can make in large quantities so you don’t kill yourself trying to keep them fed. For us, it is an egg casserole for breakfast and chili or jambalaya for lunch/dinner. They reheat easily, and the kids can help themselves – win-win!
Tip 6: Uber is your friend.
The first time we had Plebes, we stayed up until almost midnight every Saturday so they could stay here as late as possible, and we also didn’t drink since we had to drive them back. We’ve since started putting them in an Uber on nights when we want to go to bed early or want to have a few cocktails, and we can’t believe we didn’t think of it sooner!
Tip 7: Say yes more than you say no.
What I mean by that is be open when your Mids ask if they can bring their teammates over for a cookout, or invite their parents/family members to dinner when they are in town, or if they ask you to come watch them compete in a race or see their glee club performance. Kids their age spend so much time on their devices – when they ask you to DO something or BE present, do it.
THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION:
Now, it’s time to answer the most important question about being a USNA sponsor parent!
What is the best thing about being a USNA Sponsor Parent?
Just as one example, Don and I are both workaholics – and if left to our own devices, we would work well into the evenings and on weekends. Having these Mids in our lives has reminded us that there is so much fun to be had! We’ve played hooky to watch our Mids jump out of airplanes, we’ve spent Saturday nights playing board games with a group of 20-year-olds, we’ve hosted the rugby team for breakfast, the list goes on and on. All of it was time well spent, and are some of our favorite, funnest, and funniest memories as sponsor parents.
But on a deeper level, becoming Sponsor Parents has been life-changing for us.
When we first signed up to be Sponsor Parents, we thought it would be a fun way to spend the weekend and give back to our community, but it has become so much more than that. Pseudo-parenting a bunch of 20ish year olds has taught us patience, kept us young, it has opened our eyes to experiences and opinions outside of our own, it has challenged us in ways we never could have imagined, and it has filled our hearts to bursting with pride and love for these young people we’ve welcomed into our lives.
From our time in the Army, we came to the realization that in life there is the family you are born to and the family you choose. We’ve become lifelong friends with many of our Mids’ parents, we love these kids like they are our own, and we have now even become “legacy” Sponsor parents (one of our current Mids is the baby sister of one of our first Mids). Each one of these relationships brings a different kind of joy to our lives. This is the family we chose (actually, that the Academy chose for us!), and our life is so much better for it.
DO YOU HAVE MORE USNA SPONSOR PARENT QUESTIONS?
If you are thinking of becoming a sponsor parent, please feel free to reach out to me anytime. We’d love to welcome you into the fold! You can reach out to us using our contact form, or you can message us on our Instagram/Facebook page!
Finally, if you have been a sponsor parent, feel free to share any additional comments or thoughts below! I would love to hear about your experiences!
WANT TO SEE MORE ADVENTURES IN THE LIVES OF THE KINGSTONS? THEN CHECK OUT THIS POST WHERE I HELPED DECORATE THE WHITE HOUSE!
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